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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?