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This year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {