Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's leading hosts devoted the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just announced immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan that allows international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. An official page promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to rich immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "get cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.